Axe Body Spray
Oh, my. What is that undeniably sexy smell? All of a sudden I have the intense urge to tear off all of my clothes and rub myself all over you, dude in the black button-up shirt who has indulged in copious amounts of hair gel. I can hardly tell that you purchased your fragrance of choice at the local CVS, most likely along with a sixer of Bud and yet another economy-sized box of condoms (it’s sad when those suckers expire, isn’t it, dude?). My nose is not at all burning with the slightly acrid scent emanating from your furred chest—and it’s kind of awesome that I can smell you all the way over on the other side of the bar, where I am currently huddled, sneezing. And the fact that, even after I exit this bar, leaving you to wend your merry way to Midtown, your manufactured man musk lingering in my nasal cavity will only make me want you all the more. I would send you an impassioned Missed Connection, oh sensuous stranger, but your utter manliness is just too much for me. Until I can gather up the moxie to make you mine, I believe I will persist in pursuing soft, pale dudes who carry the scent of grass, cigarette smoke and unwashed clothing. It’s probably better this way. Good luck breaking in those ‘doms, man.
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