Roses are Red, Dildos are Blue...

So, it’s almost Valentine’s Day and my ladies and I decided to spend our lunch at Zone D’ Erotica. Believe it or not this is Spanish for Auto Zone…if Auto Zone sold vibrators and dildos. Evidently we were not the only ones with this idea. The store was filled with last minute shoppers, most of them clueless men.

Upon entry we were smacked in the face by the smell of strawberry lube and cheap perfume. The mannequins were scantly clad, you know your classic nurse, french maid, army medic. We weren't here for the outfits, we were here for the adult toys, which by the way are housed in their very own room. Who knew beyond the beaded curtain we would find the lost city of dildos. The walls were covered in a myriad of colors and shapes. It was like looking through a dirty adult kaleidoscope.

Harms (aka Cathy) assisted us with our purchase because she's a dirty whore and has extensive knowledge about self-pleasure. My sister (aka Stacy) picked the perfect toy complete with vibrating dolphin. It just so happens I (aka Wanda) picked the same thing. Cathy made her way around the room assisting the clueless men on ways to pleasure their women. She worked so fast you would think she was making commission.

With our goodies in hand we proceeded to the checkout where we all realized Spanish Fly also comes on a keychain. The cashier asked for my ID. I hesitantly handed it over. What if there is a black book with the names of all the "Auto Zone" customers? What if this book fell into the hands of God? I could possibly not make it into Heaven...oh wait, I did save that litter of kittens from a burning building. That along with my awesomeness will definitely write my ticket through the Pearly Gates.

Stacy "left her ID in the car next to her gym membership." Likely story. On her way back in the store, the door smacked her in the face, which we all knew was God saying, "you will pay for the shame you have bestowed upon me." Or perhaps Stacy is just really clumsy.

We checked the time and realized it was time to return to work. We bid farewell to Stacy, and Cathy and I stealthily made our way to the car, vibrator in tow. Maybe tonight I'll let him put it in the pooper...Happy Valentine's Day!