The Nipple Crusader

We all know the masked avengers of the night: Batman & Robin, Spider Man, Parker's mom...yet we know so little about an up and coming man of mystery, The Nipple Crusader. You wouldn't recognize him on the streets on a normal day but when the call came, he would be there. Have your nipples ever slayed a polar bear? I think not!

From his deck shoes to his mock turtleneck this man of mystery is cloaked only by his 'stache. He is relatively uninteresting but he is quite flexible. I should know as he stretches daily by my desk. His nipples are made of steel. We know this because they are visible through his clothing.

He is to Batman what Frank Stallone is to Rocky. Perhaps he is not the smoothest operator, but when it comes to being irrelevant, he is your man. Women swoon over him…we haven’t met these women, but we’re sure they’re out there somewhere.

So if this sounds like the guy for you, don't be nippy, apply in a snippy