That's Not Funny

The other day I was returning from the commissary here at "the prison" in a perfectly good mood. When I got back to my desk, I found yet another restraining order on my desk. And I thought, "Those bitches in accounting have no sense of humor." This got me thinking about the nature of comedy itself. Are there things that are always, unconditionally funny? After moments of deep thought, I believe I have put together the definitive list of ten things that are always funny.

10. TIE: Farting in an elevator/"Pull my finger"

9. Watching fat people do aerobics

8. Unscrewing the top of the salt shaker at a restaurant

7. Asking the homeless for money

6. Actors discussing their, "craft"

5. Crank calling the White House

4. Anything bad that happens to the rich

3. When you're hooking, and you pretend to be a lady

2. A monkey in a diaper

1. Garfield by Jim Davis. Where does he get this stuff?