You Know What Really Grinds My Gears...

I'm tired of people trying to get me into Heaven. I don't think I'd like it there. I don't think I'd know anybody. They say it is easier to get a camel through the eye of a needle than to get a rich man into heaven. OK, that settles it. I don't want to go to heaven if it's all poor people. I won't know anybody, except for Hector my gardener. I like Hector, but I think we've already exhausted our entire conversation potential when we discussed just how much we both liked the Taco Bell Club Chalupa. I'd rather be in Hell with all of my friends. And why are religious people always quoting John in 316? I know Tony, who lives in 317, and it's literally across the hall. He said John is a complete douchebag who kills kittens with his bare hands, and sits with the door open wearing a beret, and masturbating to the Disney Channel.