This one is spongeworthy

There are a lot of things I find immoral, and a lot more things I just plain don't like, and every single one of them should be banned. The government has done a lot to support my cause. They have introduced bills to ban gay marriage and flag burning all in an effort to support and protect my personal feelings. They may not have successfully passed these bills, but at least they are opening up public debate. You know the kind of debate I'm talking about. The kind where one side is absolutely right and there's no room for a differing opinion. Now that's what I call a democracy.

But despite all of the government's efforts to ban a few things I don't like, I can't help but be disappointed by the fact that they're not trying to ban EVERYTHING I don't like. Maybe they just aren't aware of everything I disapprove of. If that's the case, I'll help them out by mentioning a few things I don't like and explaining why they should be banned.

The first thing that's got to go is macaroni art. It may seem harmless, but I find it to be a waste of food and another excuse for kids to stop posing for internet photos. So, just like with gay marriage and flag burning, I'm asking the government to step in and turn my opinion into law. Let's go, you Washington fat-cats. Get off your lazy asses and ban macaroni art.

The next thing to go has to be cabbage. I'm sure someone out there eats cabbage, but I don't, so why keep it around? Cabbage is just lettuce's retarded cousin. And before people are all up in arms about cabbage farmers, let me say something. I like onions. You can just grow onions in place of cabbages and you'll do just fine. We all like onions. By which I mean I like onions and that's all that matters.

Those are just a few ways I think the government should make everyone be as much like me as possible, but I have so many more ideas. Here's a brief rundown of bans, mandates and whatever else I feel should be a law.

1 - Red grapes will no longer be allowed. If you can't handle green or purple you can go fuck yourself.

2 - Fjords. In fact, all things that contain a soft j have to go.

3 - Shadows. I'm not sure how we could go about banning shadows, but seriously, it's been long enough.

4 - Silent prayer. If you don't have the balls to pray out loud you shouldn't have the right to do it at all.

5 - Nieces and nephews. Babies aren't aware of the fact that they've just become a niece or nephew, but that's no excuse. They must be destroyed the very moment they are born.

I have plenty more, but I think we should get started on this list before I go any farther. Thanks for your time. Now be sure to do all that is in your power to make this the country that I, and I alone, want it to be. Oh, I almost forgot. No more Asians.