What is UP with you, Fingermonkey? You're so cute I could just smooch you and hug you with my fingers forever and ever and EVERER. Do you have any idea how distracting your appearance is?
I mean, why do you dilate your pupils when you look at me? You do it on purpose don't you? You think you're SO CUTE. WELL GUESS WHAT, ASSHOLE? YOU ARE. And it's totally insensitive of you that you just waltz around with your cute little monkey face, clinging onto people's fingers and stationary items with your cute tiny paws, and distracting the hell out of them till they can think of nothing else than hugging you!
Fingermonkey, you might be really furry and tiny and therefore adorable by default, but that gives you no right to distract hard working people with your good looks. It's cruel and unnatural. WHAT am I going to tell my boss when he asks me for this week's paperwork huh? THAT THE FINGERMONKEY DISTRACTED ME? Yeah he won't buy that, Fingermonkey. And then when I get fired, it'll be ALL YOUR FAULT.
So stop being such a selfish bastard. Take your cute furry face and pokeable tummy elsewhere, you inconsiderate asshole.
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