It is clear to see why you never get lei'd.

Aloha, it is Hawaiian Shirt Friday in the office. The think tank we call the boss decided this would be a great way to end the week. We think this is a great way to demonstrate what a douche he is. But, he is the boss, so we'll entertain his ideas. To kick off such an initiative, an office-wide email was sent encouraging everyone to kick it Hawaiian style; however the fever never really caught on.

Not to be deterred by such blatant disregard for the 'aina, he opted to wear his shirt anyway. By "anyway" I mean even though it is too tight, faded and tucked into his khakis. He has just luau'd his way into the Douchebag Hall of Fame. The ceremony begins at 1:00 pm. He must perform his daily stretches by Harms' desk to prepare for his induction hula. His pants are pulled taught over his coconuts. Mahalo, you have just made us vomit in our mouths.

So, before you don your best Hawaiian shirt, ask yourself, "do I look like Tom Selleck?" The answer is probably "no."